The Ugly Truth

The Emo Prince is back again, after so long and I almost break down last night! Go ahead, laugh all you can, I know you guys might be laughing there thinking how can a guy be so sissy wanting to cry or whatnot, but sorry to tell I have my own life to care of so please do mind your own business too. Close the window if you want cause this is gonna be a long, boring and dull entry. People always say that the 'truth is ugly', believe it or not, that's true! I myself encountered that personally and found that it is so hurtful to know about the truth behind the whole scenario.

These few days was not moving so well, stresses from work, unfairness among colleagues, never ending workloads... This practically makes me feel that my life sucks! Look at some of them, they managed to get big/good company to work/intern for, while me stuck at my own college doing something a 12-year-old can do! Experiences and connections/networking, I always told myself that these are the benefits I will gain throughout the one month semester break time, but is that true? Apparently I don't get along well with them, unlike someone who is good in design?

Enough working. Yesterday I've chatted with a friend of mine, and he actually told me something terrible. Something terrible about me. This is very personal and so sorry I cannot share it openly with everyone. I should learn how to protect myself, the world is so dangerous full with people with thicker layer of masks, I just realised.

The thing is, I always thought that I am cool enough to face all these fakers, I thought I understand these people and I know how to bring myself through them. Not trying to be one faker myself too but I just thought I have the way to avoid being used by them or whatnot. But after what had happened yesterday, after the whole conversation, I realised that my thought, as once told by my friends, are always wrong.

So imagine, you thought you understand something very well and been doing or repeating something you thought you are doing it right, and suddenly someone approach you and tell you whatever you did were wrong, you are wrong the whole while and no one bothers to correct you. You left nothing but a bunch of mistakes you did and a wrong technique, what you gonna do next? The world seems to be pretty ugly when there is no one for you when you needed one.

People are just evil, especially when they know they can use you. 'Naive' and 'innocent' are only applicable to kids. Teenagers like me are not suppose to carry these words with them anymore. Sadly, I'm the unique one with both words written on my face, and I can't help it! People started approaching with motives, with a reason behind, with something bad or evil behind their every thoughts, with knifes in their smile... Fakers they are! Seems nice to you but behind every words they say to you is part of their plan to lure you out of your shell, and to push you down the cliff!

WTF that is! The truth is always ugly, and yes I need to think about it again and again, I need to know what is my mistake, and to avoid being conned again! Are there any sincere people out there in the world? Someone who comes without motives, who are angelic like? None I suppose?

Go to hell fakers, and never have tomorrow in the burning hell!

Life is like a game

So I am now like your entertainment tool?

Someone to be played with,

just for the purpose of entertaining you?

Alright then, you win.

I seriously cannot believe that I actually fall into your trap,

and never thought that you all are such a 'scorpion'!

To the people out there:

Please say something that you sincerely meant it. Don’t say anything for the purpose of entertaining me as I’m not here in this world to be entertained. Just so you know I am not an entertainment tool for you too.

'That' Feeling

Blogged in the afternoon during my lunch break (I did my work during working hour alright):

I don't know where or how to vent my problems away, but that kind of feeling, it's just there all the time. It is somehow getting stronger day by day, and sometimes it's hard to even control it. Jealousy, envious, respect, love. I've already mixed all these feelings up. Never know which is which and what feeling I was going through earlier. What am I? What I want? It is all so unclear...

Something happened earlier during my lunch break, giving me some stupid feeling which I never (want to) know what that is. Loving, hating, craving or wanting? It's so difficult to talk about it, and of course, even if it is easy to mention, I would rather keeping it to myself. Thank you.

===== end of afternoon entry =====

Guess I am feeling better now. But, feeling quite restless.

Was so tired the whole time when I was in the office, felt so sleepy and don't feel like working. However, it only a week more to go, after that will be a full time U student.

Boss will not be around for 2 days, means I will take over her on Wednesday and Thursday, but it doesn't mean I can rest or enjoy myself there. Workloads had already been assigned to me, and I have task to be done by the due date.

Can die. Hahaha, but this is what I chose.

Good night people!

hate.you VS love.you

Have you ever had this feeling, that you are angry to see some certain someone hanging around well with some other people through pictures, and you will complain a lot while looking at it. But on the other hand, you will miss those certain someone and wish to meet up with them someday?

I always go through such feeling. This is my personal problem I guess.

Face Mask

Guess I am a very complicated person, even myself don't understand what I want sometimes. Do I need to know who I really am in order to be somebody some day? This is a very tricky question for myself.

I always thought I am a person with clean face, without any masks on it. Well, I believe I used to be one naive, simple kid. However when you start to grow up, you will realised there are a lot of people with many different kind of mask on their face.

There was once, few years back, I kept my naive and simple thinking and hang with the people around me, thinking that they might not use their mask when I'm around, but my thought is always wrong. I never think correctly, the mask will always be on their face even though I treated them with the most sincere heart I have.

Still having my sincere heart though, but hidden behind the False.

Learning how to put on a mask was hard for me. I don't know how to wear a mask properly, and in most situation I wish I can show my pretty face instead of wearing an ugly mask in order to blend in. But in the end, no matter what I do, the masks will always be with me. It's just another way to protect myself.

I do wear masks, but if you are lucky you might be able to see my pretty face.

I'll be somebody, someday...

Well, just so you know the first four paragraph in the previous entry was just metaphor, and you will only know what it is all about provided you understand what had happened to me. Have a wild guess, the answer will never be revealed anyway.

After thinking about it when I was alone just now, I believe I have my own talent, something that belongs to me! And I know if I work hard I might able to get myself to be somebody one day, and I am looking forward for that arrival of the day.

Even though I am not living for myself now, I know I will have my day, I know I will be able to find my true self and live my own life, with my own way. I just need to stay happy and cheerful, which is quite hard for someone like me. But I will try.

And for the certain someone (that is if you know that I am referring you), even though things never come as you wish, and you might not like the life you having now, however with the passion I see from your dream, I believe you can make your way out of your misery. Just go for it as you always have my support! Do let me know if you need help, though I can provide you nothing for now, I believe I can still lend you my ears and shoulder if you ever need it. Take care.

I will be someone someday! Just you wait!

Lucky

Considering today is a lucky day. A pretty lucky one that I must note it down before I go cuckoo and forget everything. Our best buddy gave me a ticket 5 days ago telling me that I am one lucky boy, I accepted it in a very special moment, thinking that I was really that lucky! Whoa! Lucky ticket I am holding you know, of course I was happy.

Today, I was thinking of trying my luck again, after being neglected in front of the redemption center yesterday. Guess what? I am seriously one lucky boy! Our best buddy gave me another ticket again! Seriously need to buy TOTO or 4D already, seeing that I am one lucky dude, follow the number I choose I can assure you for a place place in the bet!

Are you feeling lucky today?

I remember the time of the ticket issued quite well, it was at 1110 on the 15th and 1111 today. Buy this number alright? I will if I am allowed to.

A little update about my job in CPE. I am getting along well with the people in the office now. At least they understand my language and I get their jokes. LOL. Not that I am from Mars and they are from Venus, just that I was not able to blend in on the first week. Getting better now, it a good thing.

Met Ms Jenny last week, and she told me that the result is coming out one by one. As usual, I will not allow my lousy results to destroy my holiday mood, even though I am not having a good vacation but working in college. I will only check it when everything's out. So classmates, do let me know when everything's out alright?

Anyways, I'm already foreseeing my sad face complaining about the results. What can I do? This is happening every year, and I am getting numb with this feeling. It's like a déjà vu, history repeats itself annually!

Oh, something funny I've encountered today.

When you are filling up a formal form, what will you write in the column "Place of Birth"? Normally you will write either the state or the name of the hospital right? Today from one of the forms I was collecting, I saw this:

Place Of Birth: Rumah (Home)

I know you are born at home, but do you think the government know where is your house without stating it? Hahahaha! Funny one!

Oops! I am acting like a 'scorpion' now. Sorry man~

Love Myself

Woke up early today thought of going for a morning jog. The weather was kinda good earlier as it was quite windy, but after 10-15 minutes of jogging, it started drizzling and soon it rained. I've got no choice but to go home, and here I am now online and waiting for my turn to use the bathroom.

I wonder what happen with me recently that I keep waking up in the middle of the night (or rather very early in the morning), for almost a week, or more? I check my phone every time after I wake up and found that it was about 2.44am. Kinda freaky though and the next waking up session will be at around 6.40am. Do I need to consult a doctor or the psychologist to ask why?

Talk about doctor, I've got my blood test report yesterday, showing off a very good result, at least I am healthy and not suffering in any liver-related illness. I even thought that my liver had got infected again or something serious happened to it. Now I am all fine, thank god.

Office work is just so-so, but I know I can cope with it. The rate was 2 hours for 10 forms, I did 35 forms within 7 hours, with many things interrupted in between yesterday. I know I am catching up and speeding up too! I can do it!

Oh yea, I am loving myself again! Even though not all angle suits me, but I will try my best =)

Best of luck everyone! I need to go to work now. Tata!

UPDATED (15 JULY 2009, at night) - I've been trying so hard in the attempt of saving money for future use, who knows when I succesfully saved RM 50, it got to be sent out again due to the ticket they issued to me! Seriously what on earth?! Third time in this year!!

Workloads

Look at the amount of forms I have here. A total of 75 forms I have to separate into three different parts, one for the government, one for the college, and one for my boss's reference.

Each of them requires different thing from the 8 requirements needed from the students that applied for these course. Some needed the photostated copy, some needed the original; some needed 2 out of 8 others need 7, stressed.

And after spending 2 hours of photocopying, staple and un-stapling, searching for the application forms and separating into 3 different set (with 3 different requirements), I only managed to do 10! OUT OF 75!!

Tomorrow will be a hectic day!

Usshh~ Feel like vomitting now, had durians earlier, perhaps that's the reason why.

The 4th & 5th Jab

Strange things happened lately. I found that I look a little bit odd recently, especially when I look at the mirror, and no matter how I mix and match my attire, I just don't feel right. I look kinda skinny sometimes and my tummy/belly is extraordinarily wide.

Gosh, I am skinny yet fat!

I realised that my skin colour are kinda yellowish, and am worried that I might still having infection on my liver so I went for a blood test this morning. This is this forth time this year I am getting a blood test, 3 times from the lab and once from the hospital.

Seeing that I might be leaving to Australia next year, and I have no immunity from Hepatitis A virus, mom told the doctor to give me a jab too, cost RM110.

I need to take 2 doses in order to be immune from that virus, so I have to go back after 6 months from today. If I were chosen as one of the participants for the Taiwan study visit program, I have to be careful of what I am eating, in order to stay away from that virus.

I need to take care of myself.

And I don't feel like working anymore, come get me out of the office!! Bring me out, entertain me, make me happy, can?

Short Break

Currently sitting on the bed with my laptop with me, however I am not in my room now... Try guessing where I am now. I actually "blogged" this morning when I was in the office, have a look:

[in the morning, CPE office]

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I don’t know what I can do now, it is so stupid that I am sitting down here doing nothing. The company has changed and it is not like how it was in the past (I guess). Well, I’m suppose this is how it is suppose to be anyways, showing me the real working environment. I must get use to it though. Ms Hanita is on MC today, so I am basically free, waiting for orders from the rest of the colleagues, my other bosses.

Luckily I am working half day today, means I will be leaving at 1 o’clock. Thank goodness, otherwise I might even rot in the office, seeing that they might not have anything for me to follow up. Oh gosh, now I am assigned with one difficult task, to create a catchy name for a program. How can I do that? Me no creative student. =(

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[after work, before lunch, Media Hub]

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I left the office at around 12pm. Headed straight to the Media Hub and started playing Facebook game, Bejeweled, I didn't know the time passes so fast that it has already been an hour after I left the office when Alan came look for me for lunch.

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I've found some tutorials on Photoshop after lunch and am interested in working on it, let's see what I can do soon =) Anyways, people let me reveal the answer. I am currently in Vistana Hotel, Kelantan Kuantan, accompanying Alan on an outstation work trip. Will be going back tomorrow =)

It's late now. Good night =)

Mutant

Guess I am always linked with the word "emotional".

Forgive me if I come into your room one night through your dreams and slaughter you nicely one by one before sending you to hell.

Sorry, I'm EMO.

Boo!

Gheez, nice right the photo above? I've edited it last night from 12 midnight till 2 in the morning, finally got some 'determination' to play with Photoshop. What do you think about it? Don't tell me you are getting nightmare or goose bumps ok? LOL.

This picture is my current profile picture in Facebook, with this sentence noted beside it:

Jason Chong is currently sitting in the living room with his laptop, accompanied by some fat juicy maggots which have successfully dug out from his body since this morning... Oh, part of the left earlap just fell to the floor. Yucks! Rotting at home is so no fun!! 22 hours ago

Like so lame right? LOL.

Well, today was not so bad. Jackie dropped by in the morning and we had breakfast together. Kinda early for a heavy meal though, I am not used to eat heavy breakfast in the morning.

I made soup in the afternoon with the stuff I bought from Carrefour after the sushi feast yesterday. I don't know what is the name of the soup, but it contained white taufu, onion, crabstick, pepper, oyster sauce, salt and egg. Quite filling as I consumed 2 big bows and there was extra some more!

Din't really do much house work for today except washing the things in the kitchen, starts my dad's car (to make sure the engine is working still) and collects the laundry. Guess I need to sweep the floor and wash the car tomorrow before my parents reach home.

Yes, they are coming back tomorrow! Quite fast for my 'break' time to come to an end. Kinda miss my 'break' time now, hoping that they stay in Bali longer. Haha! Oh yea, I am planning to sign in my MSN later, after not signing in for 2 months. Finally decided to 'expose' myself after stay hidden for so long. Come chat with me if you want =)

p.s. I've decided to cut (or trim) my hair tomorrow!