Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I hate myself.



Actually I was not quite satisfied with myself lately. I tend to be sad easily. There are so many things in college which trigger my emotional feeling. Not that I want to, I just can't help feeling that way. Am I wrong acting like this?

Anyways, I've been away for quite some time. Or should I just say I am lazy to even blog about myself? No point blogging my same o' life, as well as my emotional feeling right? I guess I might just scared my readers or friends away.

But who cares right? Does anyone care if I did a mistake? Or did a good deed?

One thing about myself. Beside not able to fulfill my resolution for myself this year, I think I am becoming worst in my academic, in terms of writing and speaking. I don't know why, low self esteem I assume, I tend not to speak properly. I stutter when I speak. My vocabulary is low. I have no confident on myself!

Just take today as an example. I have a mini debate session in class. I have my notes in my hand, I have my examples with me, I know what to fight back my opponent. BUT, when I stand up, on the stage, in front of my whole class, my heartbeat increases! I begin to stutter, my mind was blank, I can't feel myself, and I can't pronounce most of the words...

I was so confident before the debate. Thinking I can be the best or at least I can present well. But after everything, I felt that I was like a effing idiot clown in front of the class. Instead of entertaining my classmates I made them sweat.

I don't know. I hate myself.

2 inner voice(s):

Ban said...

HAIYO! Stage fright is normal lah. Not everyone is a natural, especially in debating. Some things only come with practice.

Danny said...

i oso have phobia in public speaking.. but i try to take it from different angle.. just make it your own show, dun care about others la.. i know it's not easy.. but can TRY maa..:))
add oil n dun hate urself too much :p